My Husband’s Cancer and the Lord of Steadfast Love

Lauren Chandler | January 26, 2016

I was far from perfect in the storm of my husband’s cancer diagnosis. I was weak. I envied every couple I saw. Hand-holding love birds rubbed salt in my wounds.

Why can’t I have that, Lord? Why can’t I hold the hand of the man I love without measuring the moments remaining? Why can’t I just assume we’ll grow old and gray together and not have this prognosis cloud hanging over our heads?

Waves of mourning came at unexpected times. One in particular caught me off guard. After Matt was released from in-patient rehabilitation, he had a week or so of rest before he started eight weeks of low dose chemo and radiation and then 18 months of high dose chemo. For five days a month, Matt took the high dose chemo in pill form. Each day he grew weaker and more nauseous. All he had the energy for was to lie on the couch and doze off to the television. But our family’s world kept spinning—school, homework, diapers, baseball practice, baths, and bedtime stories. Matt rarely had the stamina to attend our son Reid’s baseball practices while he was on chemo. Obviously, I never wanted to put pressure on him to go. I knew…

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